Eileen Breaks a Leg
Transcript (Eileen is walking with Margaret to their workplace, The Coffee Shop.) Eileen: Another lovely morning! Right, Margaret? Margaret: Yeah. Whatever. I need coffee. (The two walk inside. Mordecai and Rigby are sitting at their usual table at The Coffee Shop.) Eileen: Good morning, Rigby! Rigby: Yeah. Whatever. Anyway, I need some food! These muscles don't feed themselves!(Kisses muscles). (Turn to flab.) Eileen: What are they? Rigby: Oh, something simple. Just four grilled cheese, two cups of coffee, three cakes, oh, and ten bread sticks! Eileen: Umm, right. Hold on. Margaret: Are you sure you can do this on your own? Eileen: Positive. If my king needs food, he needs food! Margaret: Okay. Good luck. (Eileen is imagining Rigby's past behavior.) Rigby: Gimme this, Gimme that! Eileen: Aren't you going to say thanks? Rigby: What does that word mean? (Eileen gets back to reality.) Eileen: No! Sure, he acts like a hole. But, that doesn't mean he's a hole. (Rigby is urgently waiting for his food.) Rigby: Come on! I'm hungry! Mordecai: Dude, cool it! Be patient! Rigby: No! I need my food! (Rigby knocks down Mordecai's coffee cup.) Mordecai: Ugh! Look what you did now! (Eileen is walking out of the kitchen.) Eileen: Okay, so that's grilled sandwiches, bread sticks, coffee cuuuuuuuuuuuuuppssssss! (Eileen slips on the coffee.) Everyone except Eileen: Eileen! Margaret: Eileen! Are you okay?! Eileen: Well, I don't know. Should my leg be bending in an unusual side? Mordecai: We have to take you to the hospital. (Mordecai, Rigby, Margaret and Eileen(who has a cast on her leg) are in a hospital.) Doctor: Your Eileen here has broken her leg. It will take weeks for it to heal again. Mordecai:(Sarcastic). Great job, Rigby. Can't say I'm surprised. Rigby: I know, dude! Look, Eileen, I'm really sorry! Eileen: It's all right, Rigby. You didn't mean to. Rigby: No, it isn't! I promise I'll take care of you until you're feeling better! Mordecai:(Sarcastic.) Yeah, right. I'd like to see you try. Rigby: Oh yeah?! I'll show you! I'll be the best caretaker ever! Mordecai:(Sarcastic.): Good luck with that. Rigby: Eileen, I will be by your side every second until your leg heals. Eileen: It's fine Rigby. I can take care of myself. Rigby: No, I mean it! Anything you want, we'll do. Eileen: Well............I wouldn't mind going to the mall to buy some stuff. Rigby: Your wish is my command, queen! Eileen: (blushing; thinking): Queen?! (Rigby puts her in a wheelchair and moves her.) Mordecai: He's gonna fail entirely. Margaret: Yep. (A montage shows them going to the mall. Then going to an art museum. And, finally, to the "Girly Girly Girls Store." Rigby sticks his tongue out in disgust.) Eileen: Rigby, this was the best day in whole life. My lo-vely friend toke me to places, especially the Girly Girly Girls Store. Rigby: Don't remind me. Eileen: Well, I think I'm gonna head home. Rigby: I could help you! Eileen: Nah, you've helped me enough for today. I can do this by myself. Rigby: Okay..............if you're sure.......... Eileen: I'm positive. Don't worry about me. I'll be fine. Rigby: Okay. Good night! Eileen: (To herself): Good night my sweet sweet king. (The next day........... logo appears.) (Eileen is in the hospital.) Eileen: So, doc, will I have this cast on for weeks? Doctor: Actually, you're completely healed! Very miraculous, considering it looked like it would take weeks to heal. Eileen: Oh, well, that's great. Doctor: You don't seem so happy about it. Eileen: Oh, I am. But, uh, do you mind if I keep the cast? Ya know, as a souvenir? (Later. Eileen is putting hinges on her cast.) Eileen: Maybe I could get some more comfort for a week or two. And besides, what Rigby doesn't know won't hurt him. (Eileen is finished.) Eileen: Perfect. (Doorbell is heard.) Eileen: Oh, that must be him. (Eileen goes to the door and opens it.) Rigby: Hey Eileen! How's your leg? Eileen: Great! Although I'm sad to report I'll need it on for a few more weeks. Rigby: No problem! I'll be there all the way! (Eileen smiles.) Rigby: So, where should we go today? Eileen: Hm.............. how about a walk in the Park? Rigby: Alrighty! (Rigby moves her outside and walk.) Eileen: Ah........... the grass, the daisies, the insects in the grass and daisies, the sweet smell of nature. Rigby: (covering nose): Yes, I like to smell dog poop. Eileen: It just makes me want to get up-. Uh, get down. That's what I meant. (Nervously laughs.) Rigby: Don't rush it. Be patient. Eileen: I'm bored. Go faster! (Rigby runs faster.) Eileen: Faster! Faster Faster! Faster baby! (Rigby is running incredibly fast.) Eileen: (Notices Rigby sweating and breathing a lot; thinking): Aw, maybe I should stop doing this. I'm exhausting him. Nah, this is too fun. He treats me like crap, why can't I? (Montage plays of Eileen making Rigby take her places and also exhausting him.) (Eileen and Rigby are in the coffee shop.) Margaret: Aw, that sucks Eileen. I wish there was something I can do. Eileen: Oh, I'll be fine. Doc says I should be in a few weeks. Margaret: Well that's good! And has Rigby done a good job? Eileen: Oh, yes! Much better than I could imagine! Margaret and Mordecai: Crap. Rigby: Pay up, birdies. (Mordecai and Margaret give Rigby their money.) (Eileen and Rigby are in the library.) (Rigby is flipping pages for Eileen so she can read them.) (Eileen gets an itch in her "injured" leg.) Rigby: Eileen, are you okay? Eileen: I'm fine, I just got this........ ugh...... I need to go for a minute! Rigby: Eileen! Are you sure you're okay? Eileen: I'm fine. (Eileen goes away and around two library shelves.) (Eileen takes off her cast and scratches her leg.) Eileen: Ahhhhhhhhhhhh.......... (Mordecai has the "How to Hit on a Robin" book.) Mordecai: Eileen? Eileen: Mordecai! Mordecai: What are you doing? Eileen: (Moving out of the way so Mordecai doesn't see): Uh, nothing. Nothing at all. Mordecai: Your cast........ it has hinges. Eileen: So? It was one before. I can fake break my leg if I want to. Mordecai: But why would you want to? Eileen: Oh, maybe because the sexiest man ever treats me like garbage night and day and makes me do his ridiculous orders every day that caused me to get injured in the first place and so he should deserve to have a taste of his own jerky medicine! Mordecai: Well, yeah, but treating him the same way he treated you won't really solve anything. Eileen: (silent; then talks again): Hey, what's that you got there!? Mordecai: Whatever, Eileen. Change the subject and be a liar. (Mordecai leaves.) (Eileen sighs.) (Eileen goes outside.) Rigby: Oh, there you are Eileen! I was looking all over for you! Ready to go home?! Eileen: Yep. (Rigby notices a donut in the trash can.) Rigby: Uh, hold on, I need a little snack. (A truck is heard and is about to hit Rigby.) Rigby: Mm, nice and dirty. Just how I like it. (Eileen gasps.) (Eileen gets out of her wheelchair and cast and runs.) Eileen: Rigby! (Eileen pushes Rigby out of the way.) Rigby: Eileen! You're healed! Eileen: Uh-huh. Rigby: That's great! Now, could you do me a favor and call an ambulance? (Cut to Eileen and Rigby. Rigby is in a hospital bed.) Eileen: ........And so I faked my injury so I could have more fun. I'm sorry Rigby. I promise I won't do it again. Rigby: So, wait, you think I treat you like crap and take advantage of you? Eileen: Well, yes. Rigby: What else is new? Well, I'm hungry, so, could you get me a pudding cup? Eileen: Sure thing, king! (Eileen gets the pudding cup. Then wheelchair she had and puts Rigby in it.) Rigby: Oh, and, how about we go outside? Eileen: Alrighty! Rigby: Oh, and that donut in the trash can? Eileen: Uh...... okay............. Rigby: Perfect. The End. Category:Episode